Why I needed a break

This post is a bit closer to my heart as I took this move for myself and to hopefully make me feel whole again and feel better.

Okay.

So I took advantage of the holiday season for August. 2 straight long weekends are available and I only had to file leave for 4 days from work. I had to finish all my tasks ahead for this leave to be approved, and thankfully, it was okay and I can go home for 10 days. Hooray.

A lot of people will spend this time to go make new adventures, discover places and make more memories and accomplish travel goals. Others may take this time for overtime and the double pay ;)

For me, I booked a round trip ticket back home. No plans. Just to go home. People won’t exactly understand it. Why I decided to take a leave just to sleep and eat in the comfort of my own bed 210 kilometers away. (I live in a different city by the way and it’s a bit pricey to go home every week/month so I only do it on holidays and very special occasions).

Here’s the deal. Lately, I have been feeling empty inside.

I wake up. Go to work. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. It didn’t feel fulfilling anymore. I’m not happy. I remember coming home then sudden tears rush to my eyes and I couldn’t explain it.

I thought maybe it’s a millennial thing, when we want to do a lot of things in a fast pace and then we ended up a routine lifestyle that somehow comes out as, “Boring”. Best solution is that you power through and accept that things indeed take time (career, love life, financial stability etc.) and you have to be grateful for every day. I did that and the feeling still kept on coming to me.

Next, I thought maybe I was just homesick. Living alone is challenging and adulthood is hard. Am I right? So I called home every night just to check-up on people back home. I also understood that we can’t escape growing up. We just need to toughen up and move on with our endless bills and responsibilities because that comes of age and independence. So I shoved my feelings aside and continued on. I went to work in a normal day shift. On some days I got stressed because of project issues, I ate, slept and proceeded again with the cycle, no contest.

The feeling kept happening again. It was a bit difficult to sleep. I slept around 12 MN then wake up at 5AM and I still get late (If you’re reading this boss, Sorry about that: D) because I diverted my attention to games and TV shows to keep me distracted. I think I also ate a lot to keep me happy after a long day. I gained about 20 pounds since the last year.

If you’re wondering maybe I just felt alone? :) Not really because I have a very supportive boyfriend who is there always ❤ so that’s definitely not it. My love life is great and I know that I’m happy with him.

And then, I’m back to square one. That feeling of emptiness inside, being sort of unhappy, I don’t know if I’m depressed, sad or tired.

But all I can assure is that my physical, mental and emotional health needed REST. Rest from the busy world we live in. Rest from smiling all the time and working day in and day out. I’m getting that rest from pressure and stress — giving me a chance to understand myself better.

The reason I’m sharing this is because it took me time to realize that I should step back and find myself. Release the tension and stress in simple ways as to hugging my mom or just sleeping in my own bed. I also realized that I should strengthen my faith; and need to keep a better outlook in life — not over planning the future or overcomplicating the present. This sounds a bit many for a week vacation for mental and emotional journey, but it’s worth the try.

I know that when I come back to work, I’ll have a more happy feeling because of the given determination that I need to earn again because I spent my money all on this long leave (hahaha joke ;) )

But seriously, maybe that feeling that won’t go away was just me being burned out or depressed or even just tired and sad. Nevertheless, I’m looking forward to my week of solace and rest. Because giving myself time even in the simplest things can be comforting and can allow me to start anew. Not do something completely different when I return but to take life as I needed it to be.

To those who are going through the same situations as me, my best advice will always be to give yourself time and to try and live and love yourself as a person. Everyone gets haters but your worst hater will always be yourself. Take a break, rest if you must but never give up on the person who is you. Remember that when you wake up on the days that is the hardest, your own self confidence and self-love can save you and help you fight back and move on. If you’re having a hard time loving yourself as of the moment, know that people around you, your family, and your friends are there. Don’t over expect though because in this self-discovery journey you need to help yourself first before others can help you.

Keep your faith. We can do this! AJA!

XOXO,

Frances