How toxic is your so called friendship?
Growing up we were taught on how to make friends back in kindergarten. We become kind, polite and in one word, friendly. The process of friendship more or less starts with one person sharing his personality to the other one with hopes that they will click, bond and share moments, group assignments, trips and adventures together. This process continues every single time we meet someone new. But the bigger question is, how do you know that you formed a friendship or just a casual co-exist agreement? What are red flags that can make us understand that this so called relationship is indeed toxic?
Here are 5 points that we notice in bad friendships
- They’re too alike that they begin to compare and compete with one another
Yes. Birds of the same feathers do flock together. In their case, they flock in the same direction but instead of going towards the destination together, one has to come first than the other. This always happens especially when 2 friends are placed in 1 situation where they were stuck with one another but ended up bonding during that experience. As years go by, the competition grew and each one will always have that big pride and ego to never step down. Rather than building each other up, they act good on the outside, but deep down, they are hoping something bad will happen to the other one.
- They support the other when they have something good to get in return.
Ah, the good weather friends. This type of friend evolves over time. Before they are defined to only be there when the situation is okay and are all highs. He leaves when its problematic. Recently, this type of friendship had also adapted an “investment stage” where they had ulterior motives prior to befriending you. It maybe for school, love life or career growth, some even say that they just wanted to be recognized as a “friend” to get fame or money. Watch out for these people. They will only be a leech if you continue with the toxic friendship.
- They are just curious. They don’t really care.
In the time where information and data is key, people will always want to be informed and updated. This applies to friendship as well. Toxic friends are there when new chikka arrives. They just want to know stuff, be on the loop and want to hear about latest things to be aware if they were included in the news. If it’s not that interesting they wouldn’t care. A friend might need money, they won’t help you because they don’t want to be in a position near your debts even if they have the capacity to lend cash. They also don’t want to hear about problems because they don’t to give effort on your fake friendship. When a friend feels down, he will be there to hear the bad situation. Like for example, talking to them with bad news about the recent fight you had with your partner, a toxic friend will listen about the situation for 3 mins then stop because he doesn’t really care. After the conversation, most common answer toxic friends will give: “Ah Ok.”
- They get jealous and envious. Either both of you got the reward or only him.
This is the saddest part of friendship. They hate the thought of not having something that the other one got because they believe that they are better. For them, It’s hard to be happy for the other one because secretly they don’t really like this person.
- They are best described as frenemies
Tough love is never healthy if you do it repeatedly. This kind of friendship is hard to keep up with because it is already pretty obvious that both people don’t quite like one another. They insult one another, make side comments that are not necessary, and even express that they hate each other multiple times. Never have a frenemy as a best friend because there’s a 50/50 chance he will throw you under the bus when things go wrong.
It’s easy to see red flags for a very toxic friend. But as humans are forgiving by nature, we really want to see the best in people. However, no company is better than bad company. Don’t settle to be with bad people regardless of who they are. If they hurt you couple of times, it’s time to cut the string. If you want to be civil with them and you can’t avoid having interaction, there’s always an Unfollow button, Mute Notifications in Facebook, and Ignore Messages. You don’t have to put up with toxic people. You also don’t want to be a toxic person yourself. Give yourself a check whether you’re turning into one as well.
Be Happy and love. Keep the faith.
Xoxo,
Frances
